No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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