They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
