ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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