remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
