I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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