they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
