When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
