I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
