Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
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is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize