My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
being pregnant is like rehab
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
