so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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