Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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