Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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