Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
