I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
