I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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