The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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