here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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