I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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