The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
