FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
