Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
