I accidentally had phone sex last night
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
