Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize