nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
