U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
