No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
