girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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