bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
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Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
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I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
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