My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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