you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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