I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.