I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...