I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect