what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.