so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You may now shotgun with the bride
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
