Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i think my cat just said my name.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
