...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
FUCK WHALES
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
