What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
