Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
