just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
