yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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