I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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