does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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