How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
