So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
