Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
