Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
