I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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