I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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