I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
