Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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