i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
