So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
They have beer where we have blood.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
