Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
