I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
