Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
