I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
