there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Randomize
