Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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