How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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