Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  How did that happen by accident?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.

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  (314): I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night. (1-314): How did that happen by accident? (314): I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong. http://tfl.nu/6uoj
  Replies (17) Good night (480) Bad night (3264)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.

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  (479): Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits. http://tfl.nu/uo57
  Replies (13) Good night (555) Bad night (3023)
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  (951): View more from California

  hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.

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  (951): hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit. http://tfl.nu/lqvy
  Replies (22) Good night (4051) Bad night (1343)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

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  (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart http://tfl.nu/al7w
  Replies (182) Good night (52099) Bad night (2028)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.

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  (425): Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie. http://tfl.nu/fd6n
  Replies (228) Good night (2387) Bad night (4507)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."

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  (337): And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active." http://tfl.nu/o68j
  Replies (77) Good night (788) Bad night (15978)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with

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  (541): I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with http://tfl.nu/nhts
  Replies (41) Good night (2017) Bad night (4769)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.

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  (360): She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real. http://tfl.nu/qt2q
  Replies (19) Good night (4668) Bad night (873)
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  (949): View more from California

  It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.

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  (949): It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his. http://tfl.nu/sru1
  Replies (5) Good night (2306) Bad night (889)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it

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  (952): On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it http://tfl.nu/wltj
  Replies (6) Good night (2704) Bad night (865)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.

  (801): View more from Utah

  Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.

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  (239): Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down. (801): Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible. http://tfl.nu/w6b2
  Replies (5) Good night (2143) Bad night (596)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.

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  (973): But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing. http://tfl.nu/ee1i
  Replies (1) Good night (582) Bad night (410)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.

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  (316): She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone. http://tfl.nu/tcs7
  Replies (13) Good night (667) Bad night (1859)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..

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  (404): He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing.. http://tfl.nu/8ij4
  Replies (10) Good night (362) Bad night (1105)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position

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  (727): Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position http://tfl.nu/l5hj
  Replies (4) Good night (565) Bad night (220)

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