We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.