So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
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I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
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Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina