My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize