Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep