East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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