Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
