I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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